Rays of Splendour

Of regret(s)

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I was listening to this song by Bruno Mars titled ‘When I was your Man’. Its lyrics speak of a man’s regret towards losing his loved one and the should-haves.

So I was pondering over this theme of regret. In Islam, ‘regret’ is a feeling that we are discouraged to have. By possessing feelings of (deep) regret, the worry is that we will fall into the trap of being irreverent to God’s will. But I guess irreverence aside, regret is a human trait which can be hard to suppress. One might attempt to inhibit any feelings of regret however it normally tends to manifest itself in one way or another particularly if the loss is something dear to the person.

Pondering over the concept of ‘regret’ sparked off in me thoughts about my own life. I realized that I do not want to be in a position whereby I am regretting something – regretting that I didn’t treat my parents better; regretting that I didn’t spend enough time with my parents; regretting that I hadn’t done enough in making them happy; regretting that I didn’t pursue my Masters; regretting that I didn’t choose another path career-wise and basically, life; regretting that I didn’t take that chance with love and marriage.

The other night, I had a horrid dream. I dreamed that my dad passed away and I was making preparations for his funeral. I woke up with a start and was momentarily confused as I tried to make sense of the true reality. The dream had seemed so real that I was momentarily gripped with panic. Immeasurable regret had consumed me ever since that day. I recalled instances when I was a less-than-exemplary daughter. I make him so worried sometimes.

This dream made me realize that 1) I love my dad deeply and 2) I might not be able to cope/come to terms with his permanent absence from our lives when the time comes. Would I want to put regret into the picture as well when the time comes? No.

No to this and to all the things mentioned before too.

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