Rays of Splendour

18 days to Ramadan, and 30 more days to Home!

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I woke up to today with two thoughts: 18 more days to Ramadan. 30 more days (1 month!) to Singapore.

These are the two things I currently look forward to very, very, very much and I pray so much that Allah allows me to experience them.

Ramadan is a month whose impending approach I wait with bated breath every year. It’s one of my most favourite months of the year for the increased blessings that Allah showers His creations and the ease (insyaAllah) in gaining closeness to Him during that time. Maybe I’m reading too much into it but whenever Ramadan comes, the days always feel different from other months. I’m unable to pinpoint the exact aspects about this month that causes it to have a different feel than others but yeah, I always noted that somehow the whole atmosphere during that one month is just different from other months.

As for looking forward to being able to fly back to Singapore… That’s something new for me. I’ve never been in a position where I’ve been so excited at the prospect of going home. Been excited, yes, but not at this level!

I’ve been talking to some of my classmates and we’ve been sharing with each other our plans for the summer vacation. I’ve one classmate who will be flying to both Philippines and Iran as those places are where his parents came from. I’ve another who said she will be going back home to Uzbekistan. Then there’s yet another who told me she will be going back to Malaysia to be with her family.

In all of these conversations, one thing stood out to me: Every single one of them talked about going back home to someone.

I found myself being able to relate very much to their sharing. It seems to me that despite the laughter, smiles and excitement that all of us bring to class and at embracing the experiences that living in South Korea offers us, our hearts seem to firmly belong somewhere else. Well, at least that is how things are for me.

These past three months that I’m here, I realized that I left a very big part of my heart over there. On the one hand, I am truly grateful for the opportunities to grow, learn and see new aspects of the world while I’m here and admittedly, there have been many days where I woke up giving my thanks to Allah for placing me at a point in life where I’m contented with, alhamdulillah. Yet, I’m also very much aware that despite being contented, my heart isn’t entirely whole either.

This is because all the people whom this heart beats for, and the ones that it has never ceased longing for since Day 1 that its owner arrived in Korea, are all there in Singapore.

So this journey back home – unlike the ones I made when I return from a holiday abroad – is one where I find myself not merely closing the geographical distance between Singapore and I. It’s also one where, insyaAllah, I would find myself making the journey to connect back to the portions of my heart which I’ve left in Singapore.

Until then, I pray so much that Allah allows me to go back home safely. Yes, that paranoid part of myself do sometimes ask myself this: What if I am able to go back home but then it’s only the lifeless body that reaches Singapore?

Many things happen in life. In this past one week, I knew of two deaths that occurred which reminded me of how fragile life could be and how our ultimate home, as well as where all the pieces of our heart should rightfully belong to, is with Him.

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