Rays of Splendour


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Need to unwind

Lately, I’ve been feeling pretty exhausted inside. This exhaustion is not merely physical but more than that. It’s making me have thoughts that are less positive than usual and have led to the headaches I’ve been experiencing in the past few days.

Yesterday night, I tried to rationalise why I’m feeling this way. After thinking hard about it, I realized that it’s because I haven’t had a proper break since the beginning of the year before I flew off to Seoul for my studies.

Before flying off, I had been busy preparing to make the move to Seoul. When I was finally in Seoul, I found myself busy trying to settle down into the new apartment, school and basically, trying to familiarize myself with the entirely new surroundings.

In between, I was grappling with living many miles apart from my family and friends as well as the demands of school which took some emotional toil on me.

When the summer semester was finally wrapping up, I was then busy with the fasting month, completing the final assignments and studying for exams and trying to get ready to move out of the apartment.

As soon as I was back in Singapore, my days were packed with Ramadan and Eid activities, work, catching up with the family and friends and lately, trying to make preparations before flying back to Seoul.

Know what I truly want to do right now?

I just want to go for a short getaway to a beach resort somewhere for a few days and unwind. Some place quiet yet beautiful. One which allows me to just walk from one end of the beach to another and get to enjoy the cooling sea breeze as I do that. One where, just for those few hours or days, I can forget about all the things I’ve to do or those things that have been making me worried and focus on rejuvenating myself.

Sigh.

Reality-check: When can I ever get to do that?

Seriously, I’m so, so, sooooooo tired. Physically, mentally and emotionally.


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Back in Singapore, for now.

It’s been about 3 weeks since I last updated this blog. In between, I’ve been preoccupied with things.

Since the last time I blogged, I had been busy with:

Packing up and storing into boxes all my belongings in the Seoul apartment before vacating it. I’m so grateful that the two Malaysian housemates helped me with a bit of the packing, moving of the boxes as well as allowed me to use their apartments to store my boxes till I get back to Seoul.

After that was done, I was busy trying to catch the flight back to Singapore.

Alhamdulillah, my flight landed safely in Singapore. I am so grateful to Allah for His protection throughout the last 4 months that I was away from my family and friends as well as for allowing me to reunite with them again.

So since June 18 when I arrived in Singapore till tonight as I’m blogging this, I’ve been spending a lot of my days catching up with people whom I have been missing so much for the past few months. It feels so great to be able to talk to them face-to-face and just be in their presence again.

I’m very much aware at the back of my mind that it’ll be painful for me yet again to separate from them when the summer vacation ends and I have to fly back to Seoul. Regardless, I’m constantly reminding myself to treasure every single, precious moment with them that Allah is giving me for now.

In between the time spent with them, I’ve been furiously researching and typing away in the bid to complete the last two final term papers for my first semester. Alhamdulillah, those are done, submitted and have been graded for now. Also since it’s Ramadan, the days are also busier than normal due to the new routines related to this month.

Last thing which has been preoccupying my time: Work. Alhamdulillah, I’m able to fill up my summer vacation with a short working stint back at my workplace. It feels good to be communicating again with the people in the department. That sense of familiarity, that’s something I’m so appreciative about.

Truly, Allah has been so generous with me. Honestly, all the amount of gratitude and alhamdulillah-s I made are not enough to thank Him for His uncountable blessings. It is at moments like these that I’m reminded of…

His greatness.

His love.

His mercies.

His generosity.

How small I am.

How powerless I am since I’m so dependent on Him for every single thing.

That the reason I’m alive, able to live, that I experience happiness and sadness and in summary, all the things I get to experience is because He created them for me.

I can never repay Him for all the goodness He has blessed my family, friends and myself with but I do pray that through me, Allah allows me to be of service to Him, insyaAllah amin.

I pray too that I constantly remember that just as Allah has been merciful and loving with His creations, I should try to adopt mercy and love in the way I relate to the people around me to the best of my capacities, insyaAllah amin.