Rays of Splendour

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Where do I start?

So many things have happened since the last time I blogged and I pretty much have a lot of things on my mind at the moment that I don’t even know where to begin blogging.

Do I blog about the last few days of my time in Singapore before I flew back to Seoul for the fall semester? Or do I start blogging about the past few days of my time in Seoul?

Do I blog about what has happened? Or do I blog about things going through my mind at present?

All I know is that it’s a confusing mess up there in my head! Regardless, let’s start somewhere. Perhaps for this entry, let’s just dedicate it to my worries about my time here (afterall, I have all the time in the world to blog about stuff once my family goes back home!).

I’m currently in Seoul and pretty much still homeless. Been looking for a house and the search has taken me to several places. But I’ve yet to find THE one for me. The places I’ve seen so far are either located on a low floor, has no view, lack ventilation, owner’s asking for pretty high deposit, monthly rent out of my budget or that the place is located too far out. Maybe I’m picky but yeah, I’ve not found a place that I liked so far. Oh wait, I’ve found one I liked (high floor, great view, windy and spacious) but the price is too high!

So, that’s my biggest worry of the moment – lack of housing!

Next, would be the worry related to money. When I sit to do my budgeting for the amount of money I would need for the next few months here, I’m left very much aware that the numbers are not in my favour. To be specific, there is definitely a shortfall in the money I have with respect to amount I need.

I keep reminding myself that despite it all, I should still be grateful and to constantly say my alhamdulillah-s. Alhamdulillah that I’m still alive and healthy. Alhamdulillah that I’m still fed. Alhamdulillah that I’m still clothed. Alhamdulillah that I have people in life I can turn to for strength. Alhamdulillah that I’m still in a state whereby I remember to say my alhamdulillah in the first place.

However, the worry is still there and I can’t help it. 😦

Lastly for now, I still do not feel the loneliness as my family is here with me. I have them till this Thursday morning at least. I’m praying hard that I can find it somewhere in me to still keep my head up and embrace the next few months with positivism despite not having my family with me.

Okay, I guess that’s all for now. More to come in the next few days!

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Taking in all these noise and activity

My second last Saturday in Singapore was spent out and about by myself. I registered myself for a 2pm yoga class, then headed to the nearby mosque in Orchard for my afternoon prayers, headed to Clementi thereafter as I suddenly felt like eating a plate of pad thai and lastly, entertained myself tremendously by walking from one aisle to another in Art Friend (and of course, shopping for art supplies!). Even though I brought home some work to clear this weekend, I still did not feel like clearing it when I got home in the evening so I spent it reading this novel about a lawyer who is being stalked by someone from one of her past cases. That’s my second novel for the week!

Right now as I’m blogging this, the house is bustling with noise. My parents are having supper in the kitchen and doing their usual nightly routine of talking to each other over snacks and coffee prior to bedtime. My youngest brother is currently watching some Pokemon cartoon on the laptop without using the headphones so more noise there. At the same time, the notification from his mobile phone kept going off (but he hasn’t bothered to even look at his phone!). Meantime, the other brother is in his room playing some game on his laptop.

While I appreciate silence for the peace it offers me especially when I have lots of things on my mind or after a long and exhausting day, on the other hand, I also welcome the noise from the family. It’s one I grew up with and have gotten accustomed to. The noise and bustle of activities also remind me that my family is within proximity. I’m thinking, I will miss all these noise and seeing all these activities once I’m back in Seoul. I don’t even know whether I can get used to living in a silent apartment with only myself as the only occupant. 😦

Yesterday, I had dinner with the two bffs. The ease with which that dinner is arranged. One of us dropped a text to check if all three of us would be available for a meal. Then we decided on a time and place. The meetup then followed suit. It’s not just with them but with my other friends too. Just this evening, one of my other friends dropped me a text asking if I’ll be available to meetup for a meal after she’s done with work since it’s been a while that we caught up with each other. A few minutes after texting back and forth, we’ve eventually decided to meet next Sunday afternoon. Such ease.

But after next Saturday, things will be different.

New routines and surroundings to get used to. Learning to accept the fact I’m geographically separate from the people whom I love and like very much. Then grappling with the feeling of missing everyone oh-so terribly.

Tell me again why I had initially thought it to be a great idea to study overseas? And to live alone there? Whyyyyyyy?

To be fair, there were many reasons that propelled me to make that decision but still, no one ever told me it would be this difficult!

I need to constantly remind myself to appreciate and treasure these two weeks in Singapore and when I’m eventually back in Seoul end of this month, to embrace the time there.

But that’s easier said than done. I need lots of strength too. Patience as well. Praying hard that He grants me strength and patience to continue with the next leg of this journey and at the same time, mould me to be an even better version of myself than I was previously.