Rays of Splendour

Wk 2/15

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I’m blogging this with a very, very, very full stomach. I just had three plates of kimchi fried rice which I cooked.

I don’t know why I’m so hungry even when all I’ve done for the whole of Saturday were simply small unimportant things like washed my laundry, read two little articles related to my thesis, spent like 10 minutes pondering yet again the direction of my thesis, looking at houses online and watched a Korean drama as I ate. Nothing exhaustive but I was soooo hungry that I ended up eating three plates of fried rice even though I planned to refrigerate most of it and eat it on another day!

So how’s this week been like for me?

For starters, I have been tired most of the time. I feel exhausted no matter how much I slept. I’ve been wondering why that was so. Honestly, this exhaustion is making me pretty unproductive. When I saw that my energy level was low, I took some supplements this week in an attempt to boost my energy. No effect! I did more yoga exercises too in the hopes of boosting the blood circulation in my body but I still feel tired all the time.

The exhaustion aside, I’m pretty much enjoying my lessons alhamdulillah. I feel like I’m learning a lot from the classes that I’m taking this time. I had intentionally chosen two classes whose content I have very little knowledge of – the first one deals with the European Union and the second class centers around Political Islam. Thus far, I have been enjoying the content and discussions we had and look forward to learning new things every time I go for lessons alhamdulillah.

Also, I’ve been back in Seoul for close to two weeks already but the furthest I’ve ventured is to the shops and markets that are 10 minutes bus ride away from my apartment on campus. This is so unlike me! I’m one of those who like to go out but these two weeks, I find a lot of comfort just being within the perimeters of the campus. Many times I’ve had thoughts like how I should probably go to certain places to check some things out or buy something from there but when the day comes, I simply cannot be bothered with the idea of making my way to those places.

I still do miss my home and the people there. My family, friends and R have been so busy. The whole of this week, I had such minimum contact with them. The combination of minimal contact and my attempts to try and occupy my time with things so that I’ll think less of home and the people there had the effect of making me feel detached. That was what I realized in recent times! I felt so detached that I realized I had forgotten I’ll be getting married. I only remembered it when I received a text from R about a house listing. So like… Received text about house listing –> Asked myself why he would give me that –> Remembered we are house hunting –> Remembered we are making plans to get married.

Sometimes, I even forgot all about R and the people back home until I received a text from them. It took me a few seconds to recognize who is texting me and why they would even text me. It’s like there is this vacuum in my mind that sort of erased their memory in me just for a split second. Not just people but even passwords! Prior to this, I have all the passwords solidly kept in my memory but these 1 – 2 weeks, I found myself utilizing the ‘Forget password’ function for my various accounts. And these are accounts I frequently accessed so forgetting their password is an oddity. Is my brain allright???

So in a nutshell, I seem very much put together this week (alhamdulillah) but not entirely so as you can see from the immense hunger I experience, constant exhaustion, lack of motivation to explore places and also, forgetting that I have committed myself to important decisions in life and a whole lot of other things!

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