Rays of Splendour

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Halfway through with summer school

Done with 2 weeks of the summer semester alhamdulillah! 2 more weeks to go before the semester ends!

This is the first time ever that I’ve taken an inter-semester session. I’ve never taken any back in my undergrad days and neither have I taken it during the previous few semesters of post-grad school.

So I never knew just how much motivation it would take for me to psych myself to get to classes even. Seriously, I’ve been lateĀ  for practically EVERY lesson these two weeks and it’s only because I took such a long time to convince myself to get out of the house and go to class. I’ve been approaching the TA during breaks to inform him that I’m there and to mark my attendance that I think he’s probably super annoyed at me by now.

Anyway, all I want to do for now is just take a break after the 4 grueling months of spring semester. I get exhausted simply running through my mind the schedule, deadlines and number of meetings with professors to acquire their signatures to settle various administrative issues during the spring semester. When it finally ended with the submission of my last assignment, all I wanted to do was take a break.

So these past 2 weeks of school had naturally been one whereby my mind seems to be out of place. On the one hand, I’m physically there in class and alhamdulillah, 90% mentally there too as I listened to the lectures and tried to absorb the knowledge disseminated. However at the same time, I feel another part of myself just itching to be elsewhere but in class and doing the assignments.

So the rest of the time, my mind and body have been thinking and desiring so much to go on holiday. I do not know where for now but yes, I just want to goooooo somewhere and explore new things.

I feel pretty much stifled and unmotivated after being so dormant like this. In fact, I’m so stifled and unmotivated that I actually do not have much appetite even. Nothing seems to whet my appetite so I’ve been eating things like bread with butter or simply noodles with veggies for my meals.

I look forward to going back to Singapore for a proper break but ironically, I also know that I’ll probably be bored and be even MORE unmotivated because I’ll be spending my days largely alone as my family and friends would probably be busy working.

I sound so cranky right now and all because I’m just emotionally and mentally exhausted.

I need a break, badly.

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Start of second year in Korea

I’ve been back in Seoul for exactly two weeks.

After arriving here on 25 Feb, I’d spent the next one week and a half settling into the apartment and familiarizing myself with a different routine compared to Singapore. I’d spent the time unpacking the contents in my luggage and storing them in the cupboards, cleaning the apartment, changing bedsheets, doing laundry and stocking up on fresh groceries and household products. I had also used that 1.5 weeks to settle any outstanding admin issues like paying the rent and utility bills, returning overdue library books and settling my timetable.

School only officially started on 7 March for me! Alhamdulillah, it’s going to be a three-days school week for me this semester. I’m kind of looking forward to the no-school Thursdays and Fridays as I intend to fill those times catching up on school work.

On 7 March too, I had a friend who came and will be staying with me till the end of the month. It feels great to have a roommate for the next 3 weeks. While I treasure the solitary times I have been spending in the apartment, I must admit that I welcome even more having someone living with me.

The companionship that I derived from having someone live with me these past few days has kept my spirits up. I still miss the people back home a lot but I also know that I’d have felt worse if I had been alone.

And yes, I miss people back home a lot. Those feelings strike me more acutely during those times I lie on my bed just before sleep overtakes me. My mind and heart seem to automatically take me back home and suddenly I will find myself thinking of the people there as soon as I close my eyes.

During those times I’m reminded deeply of how no matter how much I love and embrace the knowledge and experiences I’m able to glean here, my heart isn’t fully here. I know with a conviction that as soon as I’m done with my studies here, I want nothing else but to be back in Singapore where home, opportunities, future, and people I love are, insyaAllah.

P.S. I turned 33 on 7 March too. That date was mentioned twice in this entry but only when I was about to post the entry that I realized it was also my birthday! It’s my second birthday away from Singapore but alhamdulillah, I felt the love from all the way there. Really thankful for the card and present I received from the bffs, as well as the video greetings from them and the colleagues!